Let’s be honest, England didn’t learn much from their mammoth victory over India at Lord’s. Despite the opening day being washed out to rain, Joe Root’s side still managed to seal the win inside four days.

The rain interrupted play throughout the match with the home side getting the favourable conditions when play did begin on day two. In the end, the covers spent more time out on the pitch than most of the Indian batsman.

We begin the player ratings with a Shane Warne-like run-up. This is going to be a joy to watch:


Cook – The self-confessed farmer isn’t producing the runs we have seen him churn out before. However, we all know a mammoth seven-hour innings is around the corner. Like Uber on a Saturday night, I am doubling my ratings. 5/10

Jennings – Not much batting to judge Jennings on. He took his catch at slip, just like Cook. Uber still charging double for the journey back home. Apply the same to the ratings. 5/10

Root – An excellent game for England’s skipper. Root’s attacking fields suffocated the Indian batsman. 2-0 speaks for itself. 7/10

Pope – A stylish and vibrant debut for the Surrey lad. He was also involved in Pujara’s run-out in the first innings. 6.5/10

Bairstow – Deserved a hundred in this game. After Root, Bairstow is arguably England’s best batsman. Simplistic and a joy to watch. 8.5/10

Buttler – Forget about what he did with the bat. Buttler took the catch to dismiss Kohli in the first innings. 10/10

Woakes – The only thing boring about Woakes is his accent. In English conditions, he is lethal with the ball and underrated with the bat. Four wickets, including that of Kohli’s. And 137* with the bat. 10/10

Curran – Book his ticket to Sri Lanka. First class. Free alcohol. He is old enough, right? And a couple of strippers. 7.5/10

Rashid – He didn’t bat or bowl. After tea on day four, Rashid should have come out with a massive sign reading ‘You’re going to lose by an innings against a team that is playing with ten men’. No rating.

Broad – It was another quality performance from Broad. At Edgbaston, he produced ‘one of those spells’. Well, we witnessed it again during India’s second innings. He produced a stunning inswinger to clean bowl Pujara. That wicket deserved an apology. An apology from Pujara, who should have applauded that delivery all the way to the pavilion. 8/10

Anderson – Can he play into his 40’s? Woakes deserved the MOTM but Jimmy wasn’t far from it. This is turning into Strictly now. Another top score. 10/10

Time for some Waqar Younis. This isn’t going to be pleasant:


Vijay – A poor series so far from India’s opening batsman. Vijay bagged a pair in this game and he’s getting another nought here. Duck/10

Rahul – India decided to drop Dhawan and move Rahul up the order. Once again, he struggled. You can hit the ball as far as you want in the IPL. It’s not going to prepare you for Jimmy’s swinging delivery. 1/10

Pujara – It was a struggle for Pujara in the middle. He tried his utmost best to occupy the crease. But that mindset just troubled him further. 2/10

Kohli – No lifelines for Virat this time. This could get messy if his side don’t get their act together. 4/10

Rahane – Another Indian batsman who is struggling to find his feet. 3/10

Pandya – In the previous Test, Stokes pissed all over Pandya with his performance. In this game, England’s stand-in all-rounder, Chris Woakes verbally mocked him with his Brummie accent. Damn, that’s hard to take. 3/10

Karthik – Someone else has ordered the duck for dinner. 0/10

Ashwin – He made decent starts with the bat and looked better than some of his teammates. England didn’t let him settle with the ball which resulted in him having a poor game. 3/10

Yadav – ‘That’s three ducks please waiter’ 0/10

Shami – Once again, Shami was the pick of the Indian bowlers. He dismissed England’s top three with some troublesome spell of bowling. He is a lot quicker than people think. 6.5/10

Sharma – You may have missed it but Woakes wasn’t the only one to reach three figures. Sharma did so with the ball. 10/10