I’m pretty sure I am not the only one pissed off with English Cricket at this moment in time. The Test team to be specific. From an innings win at Lord’s to a comprehensive defeat at Trent Bridge. For f**k sakes lads!

In years gone by, Pakistan Cricket has been known to go from the sublime to the absolutely ridiculous in a matter of no time. Cue the Indian fans chanting, ‘Are you Pakistan in disguise?’ to England at Southampton for the next game.

Player rating time. Unfortunately for England, I am not Stevie Wonder. I saw the horror show in Ultra High Definition. Yes, Ultra High Definition. Nasser Hussain’s forehead isn’t a pleasant sight. It could be used as a wicket for the next Test. You’re going to have a bowl first if you win the toss, of course.


Cook – Whilst the Indian’s served up ducks in the previous game. Cook is serving under-cooked Chicken. 3/10

Jennings – Thank you for contributing to the 54 run partnership with Cook in England’s first innings. Now, close the door on your way out. 3/10

Root – The skipper made the wrong decision to bowl first at the toss. He was poor with the bat but you cannot always rely upon him. If he carries on making poor decisions, Virat Kohli will be blowing more than just kisses at him. 2/10

Pope – Bat him at six. 2/10

Bairstow – Bat him at four. 2/10

Stokes – Add the preferred batting positions of the last two and you have a perfect ten. The only English, New Zealand or South Africa born player that will get that score. 10/10

Buttler – The most attacking batsman in the England side showed his teammates how to play a proper Test inning. Sensational hundred. 8/10

Woakes – Started brilliantly with the ball. Pathetic shot in the first innings with the bat. 4/10

Rashid – He couldn’t provide that oomph with the ball. Not really his fault England lost but he needs to make his mark in the Test series. 4/10

Broad – I’ll give him 4/10. What’s that Stuart? You’re reviewing the decision?

Anderson – Another player that cannot be at fault for the defeat. Jimmy has an excellent record at Trent Bridge. But he couldn’t work his magic this time. 5/10


Dhawan & Rahul- They may not have posted big individual scores but their two 60 run partnerships were excellent. The first opening stand was defining. Batting first after that innings defeat against the might of Jimmy and Co. They played the correct shots and left the ball brilliantly which set the tone for India in this game. And perhaps the series. 7.5/10

Pujara – Came to Kohli’s party in the second innings. 6.5/10

Kohli – Answering his critics. Kohli is having a career-defining series. 10/10

Rahane – Showed his qualities in the first innings. Finally, Kohli had someone to dance with at his party. 7/10

Pandya – From a shit Rikki Clarke to mimicking the performances of the great Freddie Flintoff. His spell on day 2 changed the game. Arguably the best spell of the series so far. 10/10

Pant – Started off his Test career with a six. Let’s hit the ball into the stands again for your ratings. 6/10

Ashwin – Didn’t really have much impact on the game because the damage was done by his teammates. 5/10

Sharma – He’s got Cook’s number. Sharma is getting better with every ball he bowls. 8/10

Shami – His wickets tally don’t really match the skill, pace and viciousness he is bowling with. 7/10

Bumrah – Another game changer. Bumrah’s extra bounce generated by his unique action caused England many problems. Many struggled to read his line. 9/10