Is this the real life? Or is this just fantasy? Stuck in a landslide, no escape from reality. But open your ears, look up to the skies and hear. Anywhere the wind blows doesn’t really matter. To me. Because you have us! Your satirical cricket show attempting the fandango.

Listeners. Ooh – ooo. We’re gonna make you laugh. You’ll laugh so hard, you’ve wish you’d never been born at all. Get listening. To us.

(Guitar solo)

Head banging, eyes popping and tongue lolling. We’ve got a gourmet of a show for you to tuck into this week. Featuring many a Queen song, after Whitto had the honour of viewing ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ at the movies. Seems like it’s a miracle as England perform strongly in Sri Lanka, with Keaton Jennings and Ben Foakes breaking free of their shackles. Jennings’ second test century comes at a crucial time in his international career. Averaging just 22 in 12 tests, a mixture of sweeps and reverse sweeps saw him to a patient 100.

On debut Ben Foakes came in at 103-5 yet a kind of magic lifted him to unassailable heights. We’ve been championing him for many months; hence showed no pressure whatsoever. Before Moeen was the killer queen in Sri Lanka’s side, laser beaming his way to 4-66. England set the hosts over 400 for victory. Despite not winning abroad for 13 matches, Root’s men are in a commanding position. They’re having such a good time, they’re having a ball.

Consequently so was Whitto. Despite it being the first test in twelve years without Cookie, he couldn’t live forever. A new era has dawned. Don’t worry though your cricket podcast is there at the start, sharpening its teeth on the razor wit provided.

You may sit alone and watch the lights. But we can be your only friend through human life.

Cricket, what’s new?

Cricket, someone still loves you!