The time is nigh. In just four short hours, Steve Smith and Joe Root will lead their sides out at the Gabba for the First Test of The Ashes. Understandably Whitto is just a teeny, tiny bit excited on this cricket podcast and giggles away like a naughty schoolboy who’s just discovered ‘Delete History’ on his laptop.

Since 1990 only Andrew Strauss has snogged the wooden urn Down Under. England’s record is utterly abysmal and with Root only six months into his captaincy the odds are stacked against him. Mind you how many of these Aussie players do you recognise? Cameron Bancroft? Pat Cummins? Tim Paine? It could be a paine-ful series for Australia if they cum-mins too quickly in their pants. The Aussie public weren’t too impressed with the squad selection and Whitto highlights their anger in a news report worthy of Fiona Bruce herself. Who by the way is half Australian. (‘Bruce’ geddit?)

Puns such as these are vastly becoming the norm in this satirical cricket podcast. We hope they don’t turn to ashes in your mouth. Holy shit only three episodes in and it’s already going googly shaped. To resurrect our cricket standing Whitto presents 10 handy hints to surviving the next two months.

Ranging from stocking up on energy drinks, to pleasuring your partner before play begins, it’s a completely ‘sensible’ cricket podcast on how you can enjoy The Ashes and still function in everyday life. The ultimate one being of course to keep up to date with events on HFAL’s twitter page.

You’ve just got enough time to have a listen! As the pearls of Jerusalem ring out hunker down and prepare yourself for one of the greatest sporting events in the world. (C’mon England!)

The Ashes: Down Under.